"Jiawei, treat it like having 2 weeks of sweet dreams. Its time to wake up, get over w it, its time to move on."

"I know."

"I think you're deeply in love."

"No, I'm deeply, hurt."

He’s under my skin,
Just give me something to get rid of him,
He’s all around me, I can’t breathe,
I’m falling down, to my knees,
I look up into his eyes,
I see all of his lies,
Years ago I gave him my heart,
Now he gives it back, torn apart.
I wish he would just leave me be,
I wish that I could just be free,
But I cannot let him go,
I’m too scared to be alone,
But give me something to get rid of him;
He’s under my skin.

I just want to forget,
Everything about you,
I want to get you off my mind,
More than anything, I do.
I'm really trying hard,
Trying not to cry,
It still bothers me so much,
And I really don't know why.
I hate seeing you with her,
It leaves me close to tears,
I just want to forget you,
It feels like it'll take years.

I nvr expected things to turn out this way. I nvr expect myself to feel for the same old person again. Nvr, I tried v hard to get over it, I sweared I tried, I am trying and I will succeed. I treated like nothing happened, I smiled. I see myself dying, I see myself getting weaker, I see myself depending on every single one arnd me, I see myself afraid of every single truth, I see myself landing deeper and deeper, I see myself tired of holding my principles, I see myself unable to see things clearly, like how I used to be. I fcking hate myself now. I hate myself for ruining my own life. I planned my myself, when new school starts, I'm putting everything behind me, I'm starting anew. I thot one bloody whole month is enough for me to overcome anything before school starts. Yes, I did, but you irritating spoiler appeared again.

How I wish there was no pasar malam, whr I started to see you again, whr we talked about anything under the moon. How I wish I wasn't so patient to face you as if nothing happened in the past. How I wish I nvr knew all these. How I wich I'm still hidden in the dark, at least life wldn't be so miserable. How I wish I didn't rmb your birthday, I wldn't celebrate w you then. How I wished I didn't so economics, you wldn't take my notes, wldnt write those things, I wldn't be as sad now. How I wished you didn't appear once again, at least you're alrdy be at the back of my mind, and nowhr near my heart. How I wish everything cld be less complicated. How I wish I cld forget everything about the past weeks. How I wish my heart's dead, at least I wldn't cry once and again. How I wish I can face everything strongly, like how I used to be. How I wish you'll read this, and know how much you've hurt me.

Many times I wanted to tell you how I feel, but I told myself, nvm, there's still tmr.

Many times I feel like calling you in the middle of the night, but I told myself, nvm, be considerate.

Many times I wanted to sms you, but I told myself, nvm, do not disturb.

Many times I wanted to say so many things that came to my mind, but I told myself, nvm, ppl may not be interested.

Many times I really wanted to see you, but I told myself, nvm, not everyone's as free.

Many times I wanted to hug you back, but I told myself, nvm, nxt time.

Many times I wanted to give you a kiss, but I told myself, nvm, some other time, when there's chance.

Many times like now, so much so much I wanted to reply your sms, I wanted to see you, but I told myself, nvm, if I cont to ignore you, you'll forget me soon, and we can all be happy. This, I know, I'm lying to myself, but that's the only way to end things now.

Many times I said to myself there'll be some other time, but now, nvm, there'll be some other one.

I can nvr forget the times we spent, when we came closer, than ever.

I can nvr forget long long bus rides, cuz what I have, is you by my side.

I can nvr forget the tiring movies we caught, cuz it tiring, but heartwarming.

I can forget the things you've said, although more than 3/4 are lies.

I can nvr forget the times we spent, cuz I know, there are gonna be gone forever, I'll treasure.

I can nvr forget the night at the stairs. I heard you say 4 times, 'be w me again ok? I'm serious.' I so much wanted to nod my head till it drops on the floor rolling, but I know, I shldn't hurt the other party, who may be crying at home. How many shakes my head did, just shows how much more I made myself sadder. I've decided, I'll rather hurt myself, than seeing others sad. Btw, I know, its only you I have w me, not your heart. Sometimes come to think of it, how much dumber can I get.

I can nvr nvr forget what you've done to me, I am not angry, cuz I want you to change, I rather myself to be the last one, cheated.

Telling myself, no matter what you do, I'm not supposed to scold you, hurts.

Telling myself, no matter how much I miss you, I'm not supposed to say, hurts.

Telling myself, I'm supposed to keep a good image for you in front of my new friends, no matter what, I'm not supposed to tell them what you've done, even if something's gonna happen, I'm suppose to let them still think you're the nicest guy one earth, hurtshurtshurts.

I have practically no one to confide in.

My dearest LY hates you, I cant tell them anything. I stone during the long long nights, trying to sleep myself, which takes like hours..

SP's suppose to know about nothing, that's the last thing I cld do for you, thus I cldn't say anything to anyone in school..

I'll talk to gaint pooh again, I hope he'll understand me..

Zhenyu, Joey, Shuyi, ZhiYing, Cliff thanks for being there for me alwys. And I promise, no more pangsehs, I'll study hard.

I fucking hate myself for being sucha weakling, not being able to get over such things, crying over again and again when I feel lonely. I fucking hate it.