"Jiawei, treat it like having 2 weeks of sweet dreams. Its time to wake up, get over w it, its time to move on."

"I know."

"I think you're deeply in love."

"No, I'm deeply, hurt."

He’s under my skin,
Just give me something to get rid of him,
He’s all around me, I can’t breathe,
I’m falling down, to my knees,
I look up into his eyes,
I see all of his lies,
Years ago I gave him my heart,
Now he gives it back, torn apart.
I wish he would just leave me be,
I wish that I could just be free,
But I cannot let him go,
I’m too scared to be alone,
But give me something to get rid of him;
He’s under my skin.

I just want to forget,
Everything about you,
I want to get you off my mind,
More than anything, I do.
I'm really trying hard,
Trying not to cry,
It still bothers me so much,
And I really don't know why.
I hate seeing you with her,
It leaves me close to tears,
I just want to forget you,
It feels like it'll take years.

I nvr expected things to turn out this way. I nvr expect myself to feel for the same old person again. Nvr, I tried v hard to get over it, I sweared I tried, I am trying and I will succeed. I treated like nothing happened, I smiled. I see myself dying, I see myself getting weaker, I see myself depending on every single one arnd me, I see myself afraid of every single truth, I see myself landing deeper and deeper, I see myself tired of holding my principles, I see myself unable to see things clearly, like how I used to be. I fcking hate myself now. I hate myself for ruining my own life. I planned my myself, when new school starts, I'm putting everything behind me, I'm starting anew. I thot one bloody whole month is enough for me to overcome anything before school starts. Yes, I did, but you irritating spoiler appeared again.

How I wish there was no pasar malam, whr I started to see you again, whr we talked about anything under the moon. How I wish I wasn't so patient to face you as if nothing happened in the past. How I wish I nvr knew all these. How I wich I'm still hidden in the dark, at least life wldn't be so miserable. How I wish I didn't rmb your birthday, I wldn't celebrate w you then. How I wished I didn't so economics, you wldn't take my notes, wldnt write those things, I wldn't be as sad now. How I wished you didn't appear once again, at least you're alrdy be at the back of my mind, and nowhr near my heart. How I wish everything cld be less complicated. How I wish I cld forget everything about the past weeks. How I wish my heart's dead, at least I wldn't cry once and again. How I wish I can face everything strongly, like how I used to be. How I wish you'll read this, and know how much you've hurt me.

Many times I wanted to tell you how I feel, but I told myself, nvm, there's still tmr.

Many times I feel like calling you in the middle of the night, but I told myself, nvm, be considerate.

Many times I wanted to sms you, but I told myself, nvm, do not disturb.

Many times I wanted to say so many things that came to my mind, but I told myself, nvm, ppl may not be interested.

Many times I really wanted to see you, but I told myself, nvm, not everyone's as free.

Many times I wanted to hug you back, but I told myself, nvm, nxt time.

Many times I wanted to give you a kiss, but I told myself, nvm, some other time, when there's chance.

Many times like now, so much so much I wanted to reply your sms, I wanted to see you, but I told myself, nvm, if I cont to ignore you, you'll forget me soon, and we can all be happy. This, I know, I'm lying to myself, but that's the only way to end things now.

Many times I said to myself there'll be some other time, but now, nvm, there'll be some other one.

I can nvr forget the times we spent, when we came closer, than ever.

I can nvr forget long long bus rides, cuz what I have, is you by my side.

I can nvr forget the tiring movies we caught, cuz it tiring, but heartwarming.

I can forget the things you've said, although more than 3/4 are lies.

I can nvr forget the times we spent, cuz I know, there are gonna be gone forever, I'll treasure.

I can nvr forget the night at the stairs. I heard you say 4 times, 'be w me again ok? I'm serious.' I so much wanted to nod my head till it drops on the floor rolling, but I know, I shldn't hurt the other party, who may be crying at home. How many shakes my head did, just shows how much more I made myself sadder. I've decided, I'll rather hurt myself, than seeing others sad. Btw, I know, its only you I have w me, not your heart. Sometimes come to think of it, how much dumber can I get.

I can nvr nvr forget what you've done to me, I am not angry, cuz I want you to change, I rather myself to be the last one, cheated.

Telling myself, no matter what you do, I'm not supposed to scold you, hurts.

Telling myself, no matter how much I miss you, I'm not supposed to say, hurts.

Telling myself, I'm supposed to keep a good image for you in front of my new friends, no matter what, I'm not supposed to tell them what you've done, even if something's gonna happen, I'm suppose to let them still think you're the nicest guy one earth, hurtshurtshurts.

I have practically no one to confide in.

My dearest LY hates you, I cant tell them anything. I stone during the long long nights, trying to sleep myself, which takes like hours..

SP's suppose to know about nothing, that's the last thing I cld do for you, thus I cldn't say anything to anyone in school..

I'll talk to gaint pooh again, I hope he'll understand me..

Zhenyu, Joey, Shuyi, ZhiYing, Cliff thanks for being there for me alwys. And I promise, no more pangsehs, I'll study hard.

I fucking hate myself for being sucha weakling, not being able to get over such things, crying over again and again when I feel lonely. I fucking hate it.

I'm dying real soon, I am sick until...........
With extremely heavy workloads, nvr ending projects and all those not-so-friendly human relationships. Firstly, FOM project work on Singapore Flyer's alrdy killing our group, cuz we have no idea whr to start and whr to end, we have no idea whether the thing we're doing right now has got any link with what we're supposed to do. What I can say is that, poly life is definately worse then JC's. At least to me, it is. I prefer having someone spoonfeed me with all the information and then I carry out my work. Poly life's not the way I like! Maybe this is just the beginning and I'm still adapting to it. Secondly, Character Development sucks. We were to do on some Sex Education, linking to those 6 SPcore values. OMG how are we supposed to do them??! What's more, we are to visit the Physically Disabled for CIP hrs -.- Sry, but I have to say this. There is obviously nothing to plan and not much things we can do there right. We can't possibly arrange some captain ball's game and play with them. The worst thing is... My funny Character Development teacher likes to make fun of me! She nvr fails to say," I dohwanna talk to you la, so stress one; Some ppl who has low EQ; I like to pok your screen..." All these things are killing me. Ppl who are wondering were the hell have I been for the past 3 days, sry but I just currently not available and I'm back!



Life is no fun at all, when things start to get better, I thot I could talk to you w/o any barrier in myself, something's bond to happen (:
You can choose to ignore me, your choice, I don't really care.
I've wasted too much energy and time thinking that you'll actually grow for the better.
And now that I've realised, you took everything for granted, and you'll nvr grow up.
When ppl ask you how old are you, you can nvr answer,'I'm old enough to think for myself'.
That's quite a great humiliation. Think about it.

I'm more than happy with my life now, cuz I'm found my happiness alrdy.

I really dno what's gonna happen in the future, but at least for now, I know, I'm not supposed to complain.

You see in my life, I couldn't ask for more alrdy. I have all that everyone on earth wants and wishes for. Someone carries my laptop everywhr I go, w/o complaining, w/o nagging, w/o whining at anything, asking for nothing in return. Someone dosen't mind giving me morning calls early in morning and traveling all the way to aljunied accompanying me to school, even when that's a longer route to reach school on time. Someone gossips with me about any other thing in school and we'll laugh and joke about the same old thing almost every single day. Someone provides us with unlimited junk food supplies (of course I made my contribution too). Thanks ppl, you ppl made my day (:

It indeed v boring with school and homeworks, more lectures and more tutorials, projects and CIPs, but I can't help it right. All we can do is to whine and whine, complain and complain, make use of every single break we have to slack and talk and play pranks.

Have you guys ever realised that even every single dumb action/word makes my life so much more interesting in school? Yes. We see the Mr.Billabong guy everyday, laughing at the first day where I borrowed the charger from him, laughing at how funny he looks like with his round round hairstyle, laughing that he's my type (-.- just becuz we bought the same laptop and we see each other everyday); We walk through the same place every single day, sometimes, more than once per day, we climbed the same stairs, we would laugh at each others 'be careful, got steps ar!'; We would joke about every single person in class, from Tiger to German Mole to speechless guy; we'll suan every lecturer that just doesn't fit our expectations; we'll pin-point every tutor that doesn't allow our lil lil private conversations; We'll eat and eat and eat. We argue, we laughed, we talked, we spent almost half our everyday's 24hr with each other, but we are all happy. And, I like someone to go home with me everyday after school. I like to complain and whine about school life, I don't mind going out after school even when I'm v tired. I don't want things like this to end, cuz I am v happy, I know.

If I'm only allowed to say a one last sentence, it will be,

I love my life now.

I like pretty pretty cards. And I finally had the chance to pass Chamaine and Jodie theirs, after sucha long long long time.



Will we be as close this Christmas?

See what's Nemo doing, I think I'll do that soon enough. Its so tiring.

Dear dear diary,

School is so absolutely damn boring, self-study after school (whr I see ppl playing games, psp, in the study room instead of really studying), lectures (whr some lecturers make no diff from reading off the notes itself), tutorials (whr our teacher pangseh us on the v first lesson and leave us hungry hungry in the cold cold classroom w viwawa majongs and youtube videos and song sending and downloading games), breaks and more breaks (whr there're vending machines everywhr, and that couldn't stop us from getting more food)...

Project works are piling up. School, which in the calendar, has only only started for one week, but to me, school seems like its been a year long. Homeworks come all in a shot, but thankfully, I dod POA, which lessens my work load. My friends are so so harworking, and I'm stilling playing. I tell myself I'm not there yet, but it seems to me that I won't be there anytime soon. I can't concentrate, which in the other words, still not in the studying mood. School's environment's v good, but I can't concentrate in the day time. I need hours and hours so sleep in the afternoon before I can study at night. But timetable's a mess, and I can't get home early. I need sleep, sleep and more sleep. Is there a way, for me, to turn the clock the other way round.......?

I have great great new friends in DAC/06, and seems like I've lost contact with LY. How can I manage so many things at a time? Save me save me! ):

Bye diary.
<33

Yes, I miss my phone, and I am phone-less for the first day of school ): damn sad la!
Lectures was...., hmmm, ok. Yup, ok, cuz our class was the nosiest! I didn't talk ok! Just noisy. We sat on the first rows for the first lecture, and the last row for the 2nd lecture. Not becuz we wanted to try something else, but we were late for the second one HAHAHA. Lectures was quite interesting, cuz maybe its after all the first lesson, which means talkcock lessons. But this year, no more ice-breakers lol. Notes/textbooks are so so so expensive can! Now then I know why CCHMS says, binding charged at 2$ was v v v cheap alrdy. And now I have to agree. Ahhhh, POA txt, Stats notes, Econs, IT, damn alot can! And I am so damn tired after 2 lectures. ): HOW TO SURVIVE LAAAAA! Its still the shortest day in the week can!

Caught our 'first'-class movie at PS today, RunpapaRun. So many ppl didn't turn up, was quite a disappointment though. It wasn't as nice as its advertisment. Game plan was nicer I thought. But still, should catch it. Geeeee!

Econs, Stats, POA, IT, lappy.
So many things to bring tmr. So boring so heavy can!
I wanna find a someone to carry my stuffs for me to school.....................!

I took out my Nokia usb wire, trying to connect it to my com, to post some pictures of ytd's bazaar, and realised,

MY PHONE'S AT NOKIA CENTRE, YET AGAIN.

):

i AM SO SAD SAD SAD!

Wooots! Flag day, President's Challenge 2008! Why the hell am i so high over this.
DAC/06, bishan. I thot there'll be alot alot alot of crowd, and i mean ALOT. Guess what? There're more SP-er's then the crowd! Wth right! Interchange, MRT stations, NTUCs, Hawker Centres, Food Courts, Wet Markets, Traffic Lights, Zebra Crossing, where single place you can think of, were filled with students from SP. Omg, srsly, this is the first flag day I've done, donating the most amount of money, myself -.- It was practically so cramped, I mean you see a bunch of students every 1m, its so sickening right. Yea, we were at the interchange, and I saw this on one of the pillars, so yea, I joined in the fun and there goes my first sticker, donated to the needy wall. Its the best damn place to get donation yea? POSB atm lol! And ppl were really damn generous there, they draw notes and notes, and they donate coins and coins. I mean small coins, not gold ones. Actually gold ones also have, 5c?
Yeay! Slackers at playground!

$28.25 <333

Tiring but fun, noisy but heart-warming. DAC/06, my class, 3 years, we'lll work hard tgt.

Srsly, I just so miss LY.

Its kinda like-dontlike feeling.
Yes, orientation started.

Seeing JieXian & Yiqi first thing in the morning was heart-warming, cuz at least I know, there's someone, I know in school. Proceeded to the main entrance for SB w laughter, questions, and answers, like as if, we've nvr met before. The thing is, everybody knew there're classes except me!! Haha, I guess I didnt hear what the facilitator was saying when she called my up ytd. I was sleeping lmao.

DAC06, 3 years down the road.
Walked in to the lecture hall, one word, QUIET.
No one even talked to me, I walked to the last seat in the middle row of my class, and sat down. For pratically 1hr, I was quiet, I didn't talked, didn't speak a word. The reason was simple. Everybody looks fierce, the feeling was like, 'if I'm gonna talk, nobody's gonna answer me, so I better keep my mouth shut kinda thing.'
Tht was before everything. Icebreakers, plus more icebreakers. 'wht class are you from?' '06! 06! 06!'
Stepped back to the same LT, same place, same seat. We were more bonded, we talked, we shared, we laughed, and of course, jokes jokes and more jokes.
I believe, DAC06, will nvr be boring.

Heh, and caught this idk what movie title cuz as usual, I didnt pay much attention gah gah!


I dont like this feeling.
Now school's started for me, and soon, everyone.
Whr will Loyalty be?

Weather was fine when we took off from S'pore, but who knows it'll rain there. Oh dear, wooden planks were slippery & & & it took me so long to climb the stupid stairs. Like alwys, they'll suggest me to stay there as they come back to S'pore cuz that'll train my independent skills. Eh, like wth, low tide, the wooden plank damn hard to climb one ok!

(pictures were in random order, all thanks to blogger. well doneee!)

I'll be back there like, next year. Haha, wonderful experience, it rly is.

I mean, I've seen how life is in poor regions of the world. How they survive, how the study, how they live, how they depend on themselves. Unlike us, we take things for granted, everything comes to us once we open our eyes. I mean, yea, sometimes, its just great to know how blessed I am. So, stop complaining! Gah Gah!