I have no courage to face the reality thus I hide myself in games. I have no courage to talk to anyone about what I am feeling thus I hide them in myself. I. Am. This. Weak. This. Useless. This. Immature.

The previous years, I find myself wanting to go school every single day. Even once when I was tht sick with high fever, I dragged myself to school. I had motivation to go school. How much to wanted to see those ppl everysingleday, how much I wanted to laugh at things with my friends together, how much time I wanted to spend time in school everyday. I rmbed how lively I could be, how enthu I could feel, how real I could be myself.

This is not the case now, a total opposite.

I find myself wanting to skip school, skip lectures, being late for lessons, not even wanting to wake up for projects, slacking each and everyday off as if I have all the time in the world, as if I have learnt every single thing I am supposed to. I can even leave the exam questions blank. I know I don't feel like going to school everyday cuz I lost my motivation, I lost my sense of urgentness and I didn't know what to do. Everyday, I wake up for school, just for the sake of attendance. I so much wanted school to end early so I could meet tyx. I want school to end early so that I don't have to face those ppl in class. On the surface, we look like good friends, friends who laughed about every single thing together, do everything together, but on the inner side, I dont feel like myself at all. I didn't want to laugh at the things you ppl said. I didn't wanna do everything together. I want to find ppl who can really communicate w my and make me feel happy and comfortable with. Why did you ppl group everything that has to do with me with them? Why did you ppl see me and you'll ask about them. I don't wanna be tighted with them. I want to make new friends, do new things. I dont wanna be stucked with them forever. They aren't like me. We dont match. I faked laughter, I faked smiles. I don't want this. I want myself. I don't know whether the problem lies with me, cuz to me, I also feel tht they're not as good as my friends. Am i having too high an expectation, or do we really come from different worlds?

When can this end?
& do you even understand? If you do, stop asking me to go out w them, I don't feel comfortable. I don't like.

Stats MST tmr, lady luck, I need you. Don't leave me like wht you did on Wednesday.